Thursday, March 06, 2008

Day Six: Pasty Boys I Have Loved

Not real boys, Readers. I'm still talking about celebrities here. It's also scary that I seem to have a big black hole in my memory since motherhood, and I can't remember all of them anymore. But I am confident that whoever is among the missing, they are pasty, too.

Gary Sinise

You're probably like, WHAT? I know he's on CSI or something these days, and still known as a good actor, but I don't watch that show. I am specifically referring to Gary circa Forrest Gump, in which he played Captain Dan. He was bossy and crabby and irresistable in that movie. Especially when he got all scraggly and had no legs. That's when I really swooned. People always ask, "And what do you think that means, that you were attracted to an amputee?" I have no idea. You tell me.

Peter Saarsgard

You're probably like, WHO? I first fell for him in Shattered Glass, when he played the guy's editor. He looked so sexy when he got all sweaty and tense. Shortly thereafter, he was delicious in Garden State, as the gravedigger best friend. I realized that I mostly love his voice, which sounds like someone shoveling the front walk V-E-R-Y slowly. Yum. He was naked in Kinsey, which didn't bother me a bit. And then recently he played the sexually ambiguous animal lover (that came out wrong) in Year of the Dog. I liked him even in pleated bermuda shorts, and that is saying a LOT.

Paul Rudd

You're probably like, Oh, CLUELESS. Or possibly, "Phoebe's sweet boyfriend on Friends." No, that wasn't when I started liking him. When I really fell was an episode of Veronica Mars last year in which he played a washed-up rock star. I totally believed him, and my heart ached for his pain. I thought, this guy elevates every morsel of material he touches. That's why I really love him, Readers. His ART. Recently, we rented I Could Never Be Your Woman, an Amy Heckerling movie (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and the aforementioned Clueless) that went to straight to video even though it stars Michelle Pfeiffer. He's not only pasty in that one, he's paunchy. And utterly scrumptious. Especially when he performs a dance for her that makes him look like he doesn't really control his neural pathways. I am a total sucker for guys who know they look dumb when they dance, but dance anyway. Ooooh, somebody fan me!

James McAvoy

Suddenly, he seems to be everywhere. But it was all over for me the second I saw him in Atonement, carrying luggage, scowling poolside, watching with horror and lust as Keira Knightley dunks her cotton-voile-clad bones in the fountain. And that library scene! But two moments really cinched it: when he looks up from under his lashes--sleepy boy on his shoulders--at the entire family waiting for him after he's been accused, and when he asks his soldier friend to wake him in time for the ship that will sail him home to his love. I know what you're wondering: did I fall for the romance, or the man with the butterscotch freckles? And I respond with another question: can we ever truly know?

Jim Sturgess

Again, you're probably like, WHO? He's very young and pale and also British (Liverpudlian instead of Scottish this time.) He played Jude in Across the Universe. This was a movie, as David puts it, that was "widely panned," but now that I've seen it, I may never trust reviews again. I can't really imagine two hours better spent than watching a boy with a mouth like a rosebud sing Beatles songs without the slightest provocation (and quite well, I might add.) Lots of other people were singing but I barely noticed them. His hair is all...tendril-y. A look that continued in the very recent The Other Boleyn Girl, a bad movie based on a fabulous book. He plays Thomas Boleyn, the brother of the aforementioned Girl and Other Girl, and has very little to do except stand around looking pained and smoldering. And really, isn't that enough?

10 comments:

Robyn said...

I have two words for you...Chris Messina. He's the newest member of my list. Hot, hot, hot! Check him out! And I am right there with you on Paul Rudd. Yummy.

P.S. Your husband is a genius. He was soooo patient while I fiddled around on the editing software to figure out the solution to the video problem! Please thank him for me!

Sam said...

He's lovely. How did you find him?

And why don't I remember him from Six Feet Under?

You must rent I Could Never Be Your Woman--I think you'll get a big kick out of it.

Robyn said...

He's the lead in Ira and Abby. It was one of the movies shown at the Jewish Film Festival here in San Antonio. I didn't see it there but I Netflixed it (is that a verb?!) and it was pretty funny. Mostly though, Chris is hot. Did I mention that he's hot? I'm Netflixing (see, it IS a verb!) I Could Never Be Your Woman right now.

This past weekend at Jewish Family Camp the scholar-in-residence gave a three-part presentation on Jewish Humor. Wish you could have been there!! You could have taught him a thing or twenty!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Sent here by Cheri--I love you already--you know Veronica Mars.

I still get misty-eyed over the cancellation of that smart, sassy show--especially since it was filmed right here. And yes, Paul Rudd does have his positive attributes!

Cheri said...

Dearie Me~This list thing is just peeling back the layers of the Sam onion. I love what I'm learning about your deep insides.

I'm signing on for Paul Rudd, but is he really pasty? Really? I don't see him as pasty, but then I color my men how I want them to be. A real skill I have honed over the years despite therapy.

Now, about The Other Boleyn Girl, the movie, I mean. Am I the only one on Earth who loved it. Maybe I was high on popcorn. I ate an entire bag. But I don't think so. And I totally think Eric Bana would date me; I could tell by the look in his eyes up there on the big screen that he really wasn't into Katherine, Mary, or Anne. ;-)

Sam said...

@Cheri:

Hmmm...I seem to have forgotten to add Eric Bana. He's yummy, too. :)

Did you read the book? I think it might be impossible to like both the book and the movie. As frequently happens.

And "pasty" might be a bit harsh. They are all fair and soft. How's that?

Caroline said...

Mmm...Paul Rudd!

Mmm...Gary Sinise!

You reminded me of two of my celebrity crushes. I, too, have a black hole in my memory for such things. Just as well. :)

One of my pastier crushes was Ryan Stiles from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, Gary Sinise - he is so intense and real. I had a subscription to Steppenwolf Theatre in Chicago and got to see him in Streetcar Named Desire and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. AMAZING.

But Sam, Sam, Sam. How could you forget my beloved Matthew Broderick? Adored him in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and my love only got deeper when I realized he was actually a theater geek in real life. And happily married. Swoon.

And Mike says, what about John Cusack? Say Anything, the part where he held up the boom box to play "In Your Eyes". I cried. And in the car with the girlfriend, when he pretended he was shivering because he was cold. Yes, John Cusack is an all-time favorite Pasty Guy.

-Laura

Anonymous said...

BTW, Mike is deeply disturbed that I love Matthew Broderick *and* I love him.
:-)

What can I say, I have great taste!

-Laura

Sam said...

@Laura:

Oooh, you're opening a whole 'nother can of worms. '80s worms. :) Yes, I loved Matthew, and John, very much. My love has grown sepia with age.

But if we're really going back that far, I can't possibly omit the fairest (literally) of them all: Eric Stoltz (especially circa "Memphis Belle.") Oh, Eric, Eric... :)