Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Day #11: Trying

Sigh.  This was a bit of a hard day.  I mean, it could always be worse.  But I was close to tears a couple of times.

Last night, on my way home from rehearsal, my dashboard lights came on.  This did not seem promising after how much my car had been poked and prodded all day.  David was hopeful that it was just some kind of loose electrical connection.

This morning I went to get my hair colored, a visit that was long overdue.  I spent about 15 minutes lamenting to my hair gal that I might not be able to color my hair anymore because my scalp is SO FREAKIN' ITCHY ALL THE TIME.  Seriously, I don't know what to do about it.  There's no flakiness, no redness: just itchiness.  And it makes me want to crawl out of my skin sometimes.  She listened with Concerned Face but is obviously not a doctor and had no clue what I should do about this.  Not that a doctor would know, either (and I say this knowing that a dear dermatologist friend of mine would heartily agree.)

So I did my hair anyway, consequences be damned.  And it did cheer me to see how good it looks.  Then, not wanting to tempt Fate any further, I drove straight back to Midas.

And lucky I did, too.  Turns out that "re-manned" alternator from yesterday?  The one I've been using for less than 24 hours?  Had failed.  The battery was quickly going dead, and I'm lucky (see? something to celebrate about this day!) I didn't end up stranded somewhere.

Instead, I ended up stranded at Midas, where at least they were actively fixing my car at the time.  They made some noise about another re-manned alternator, and though I don't know a thing about cars, this time I had a strong opinion:  "I want a new alternator.  Where can one procure one of those?"  The Midas gal, perky and adorable, felt sheepish enough to make a run up to Miramar solely on my behalf, and was able to locate one within a couple hours.  And since the previous one was still under warranty (snort) I only had to pay the difference.

So I spent another four hours hanging out at Coco's.  I'm learning a lot about their menu.  Most items, even innocuous-sounding things like a turkey sandwich, are upwards of 1,000 calories.  But the cream of broccoli soup, which I've always loved, is 220 for a generous bowl.  So that's something new I learned.

While I was chillin' at Coco's, and later at Starbucks, I realized that I felt shaky and near tears.  Why?  I asked myself.  "Self, why don't you celebrate the thing you're always saying you want?  Several hours with nowhere to be when you can just read in peace?"  But somehow being forced to do it was stressful for me.  I also had to do some frantic texting to find someone to pick up Jarrah from camp.  My Midas friend had assured me they'd have my car ready in time for dismissal.  I believed that like I believed they didn't break my air conditioner, so I promptly started looking.  Guess who was right?

Tonight at rehearsal I started noticing that I'm standing in the back a lot.  I mean, it's okay.  Someone has to stand in the back.  But, me being me, I suddenly decided to take it personally today.  And maybe because I was already feeling shaky and teary I had to kind of buck myself up a couple of times to stay focused rather than dissolve into a spacey blob who couldn't follow anything that was happening.  And I think I managed that, mostly.  One of the cute teenagers in the show, who has been a dancer all her life, responded to my claim that learning choreography "is more difficult for me mentally than physically" with a cute whisper between cues:  "Dancing has been shown to ward off dementia."

Well, then.  I better do a whole lot more of it.

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