Watercolor Impressions of Green Celebrities

Al Green

He has some good songs. Ally McBeal was obsessed with him. And when Kimora Lee and Russell Simmons got married, "Let's Stay Together" was their first dance. I read that in In Style. I've always remembered it because it seemed like an odd choice for a wedding. (They didn't follow that advice.)

Lorne Greene

His face is so familiar to me. But I think I mostly remember him from The Love Boat. Believe it or not, I am too young to remember Bonanza.

Eva Green

A Bond girl. Very pale and rickety-looking. I think I just know her from Quantum of Solace.

Ashley Greene

Came out of nowhere to play Alice Cullen in the Twilight series. The hideous wig they put her in makes her look like a very sexy ferret. But in real life, with her real hair, she's quite attractive. I think she is good casting. Better than the other Cullens (except for Edward.)

Seth Green

I still love that guy from when he was Willow's boyfriend Oz on Buffy, before she found her true calling as a lesbian. He put a hilarious spin on every line. I mourned his passing from the show.

Tom Green

The guy's moment has obviously passed. For a while, he was everywhere, and I couldn't understand why--he was unbearable, even in tiny doses. Round about the time he starred in a movie called Freddy Got Fingered and married Drew Barrymore (was she heavily sedated at the time?) he reached his peak. Then the movie became a national joke, his house burned down in the middle of the night, and Drew divorced him. The End.

Graham Greene

The go-to guy for stoic Native American portrayals. His IMDB filmography shows little variation in that specialty. I wonder if he's ever played anything totally against type. And if he cares. Also, he shares a name with the famous British novelist. Weird.

Norman Greenbaum

The best for last. What is the deal with a guy named "Norman Greenbaum" singing "Spirit in the Sky?" Never been a sinner/Never sinned/I got a friend in Jesus. That is not what a Norman Greenbaum sings. A Norman Greenbaum sings "Dayenu" at the seder. Or "Hava Negila" at a wedding. A Norman Greenbaum lives on the Lower East Side, went to City College, and hangs out at Barney Greengrass, where he feels very strongly about the herring. And, in fact, I finally satisfied a lifelong question with a quick Wikipedia search: yes, he's a practicing Jew. Okay.

Readers? Who did I miss?