Blood and Guts

I really can't believe I skipped two days of NaBloPoMo. Well, I mean, I can, because (as David would say) I was "flat out" working and certainly didn't have a free moment. But it's not like me to renege on this commitment--I never have before.

So, if I were Jarrah right now, I'd be a bit green, because I would have just seen the inside of my body, with blood and guts and whatnot. Let me explain.

For a long time, I've been wanting to get a little something removed. A lump, if you must know. And since everyone's brain shoots straight to "breast" when they hear "lump," I will tell you quite candidly that this lump had nothing to do with breasts.

The lump had gotten larger of late, and I finally decided to have it looked at. The scenario was a bit like the three bears. The first doctor said "Too hot!" The second doctor said "Too cold!" The third doctor said "Just right!" Only not really. But I did see two doctors before getting one who was actually willing to whip out his knife.

And that was today. Sort of unfortunate timing, since I'd been up all weekend (more on that later) but it took a month to get the appointment so I didn't want to change it. David has had many lumps removed (he's the Mole King) so he briefed me on what would likely go down. He was completely accurate.

I lay on the table while the doctor quizzed me (you might think I'm just referring to questions about my situation, but I am in earnest: he quizzed me, the whole time, with various math problems. Many of you know that's not really my area, but I got 100 percent!) and then he said:

"Okay, this part you're definitely not going to like." And he was correct about that. I received about six shots, and they were increasingly owie. I didn't cry, though, and for that I am proud.

Next, the nurse came in and told me I wouldn't feel anything except tugging and thread. She was also correct. I felt tugging and tried not to think about how this would be the knife (the doc drew a diagram of how he would cut; the picture looked like an almond-shaped eye) and then I felt thread for a long time, but by then I was working hard on my math problems and had to focus. Within 10 minutes, he was done.

The nurse told me about the things she was putting on the wound--"Steri-strips," and a word I didn't catch that means water-proof bandage, and gauze, and then tape.

The rest of the day, I didn't feel a lick of pain. That was pleasing. I was extremely tired, so I snacked, read, grocery-shopped and then napped. You know, just like plowing fields or running marathons--really taxing stuff.

Which is why it was a bit disconcerting when I noticed the gauze was coming off and the thing underneath was soaked in blood. I drove to pick Jarrah up from camp and called the doctor from the parking lot. He said to come in right away. I must admit I panicked a bit. I didn't want to go back, and certainly not with Jarrah. To make things more exciting, it was one of those "man, I took things for granted before I was a parent" days when she had wet her pants and not told anyone and was being very resistant to changing her clothes in the camp bathroom, even though the clock was ticking away to the time when the doctor and the nurses would have to go home (we made it with seven minutes to spare.)

I was sweating when we reached the office, and I told Jarrah she could come in with me or stay in the waiting room, but if she came in, she might see something gross. She said she'd come in. Frankly, I think she was counting on seeing something gross.

She wasn't disappointed. The wound had reopened, the stitches had come undone, and not only had the waterproof bandage come off, all the Steri-Strips had, too. I don't know what the doctor was doing but at one point he said "This will burn a little." and right after that Jarrah yelled "Wow! Is that what the inside of the body looks like?" He said "Yes, it does."

I was more than a little glad I couldn't see what they could see. Jarrah seems completely untraumatized by her experience, and on the way home gleefully explained that my open wound was like "looking into the brain, only a lot redder and bloodier than the brain." Lovely.

I'm not supposed to get the stitches out for a week--here's hoping they hold.