This Is Your Brain Not In Amsterdam

David returned from Amsterdam last night. I know, I hadn't actually mentioned he was gone, but you know my theory about alerting the serial killers. He worked like crazy and hardly had a minute to visit prostitutes, eat Space Cakes or view Van Goghs, which is beyond tragic. It was probably the right decision for me to sit this one out.

Weirdly, the time flew by during his absence, which is not typical. Normally, I do a lot of pacing and wringing my hands. Also, I slept like I'd been whacked with a blunt object, mostly because I tended to get to bed only when I was nearly horizontal with the demands of gravity already. I think I might have had the most fun--it was like a staycation. Sssshhh--don't tell David.

I'm going to make this a shout-out post to those who supported me in the Big Aussie's absence.

To Taylour, who held down the fort without any access to the fort when I gallivanted off to the Temecula Film Festival and left her and Jarrah without a key. Both girls emerged from the ordeal relatively unscathed--they're just that fierce.

To Price Family Preschool, who provided me with a blissful four hours each day in which to lie in front of the TV eating bon-bons, I mean, busy myself with wholesome and improving work and exercise.

To Steph, who welcomed a second four-year-old into her lovely home on Friday afternoon so I could teach my Nia class, and even made us a yummy dinner afterward. Nice!

To the new Fall TV Season and our Tivo, for providing me with a panoply of choices with no redeeming social value. Also Netflix On Demand, for the porn.

To the YMCA Kidcare, for being "sooooo fun" and totally free, the single mom's solution for firmer thighs.

To Mary and Paul, for inviting us to their school's picnic, complete with giant inflatable slide, a Chinese buffet, and some dude showing the youngsters how to wallop each other with padded clubs, which was the best part of all. M and P also made dinner for us the next night--how did we get so lucky?

To Joy, for being the best-best-best Chongqing cousin Jarrah could ever ask for. And for her sweet collection of Disney dress-up clothes, from whence she graciously loaned her BFF a pair of glass slippers that are practically being slept in.

To my parents, aka Grandma and Pop-Pop, for providing an endless supply of gummy bears, multiple episodes of Sponge Bob, and--best of all--their love and attention for an entire day.

To Suzy, who remembered we were alone and invited us to swim at her lovely home after school on Monday. And whose children and friends couldn't be nicer. Not to mention her inflatable pool toys.

To my theater peeps Rachel, Lisa, Eva and Calvin for cooking Indian food with me Monday night. Five cooks, four labor-intensive dishes and three hours later, we had the most amazing feast, all of it sublime, none of it burned. Dinner guests who do their own cooking? Hold the phone--and wash dishes without a single hint? And...wait for it...do all this while keeping my kid entertained? Wow. A special shout-out to Calvin, who turns out to be a secret culinary wunderkind in need of his own reality show, and kept all us sous-chefs in line. Plus he masterminded the most ridiculously good dessert possibly ever: whole Bosc pears poached in red wine, served with whipped heavy cream. I wish I had photos--those babies could grace the cover of Gourmet.

To Robyn and her boys, who whiled away a few shady hours at Big Rock park involving large sticks and a dry creek bed, resulting in children who resembled extras from Oliver Twist, followed by a yummy dinner at Pinnacle Peak steakhouse (where, now that I think about it, all three of them were perfect dust-covered angels???)

To Grace, for taking the perfect morning walk with me around the bay, sun sparkling off the blue, and the way she always makes me feel like a million bucks, no matter how much I'm doubting myself an hour before. Extra credit for offering to sit with Jarrah while I fetched le pauvre tired David from the airport and ferried him safely home.

And to me, because I managed to keep the kid alive and the house standing for nearly a week on my own. I kept the plants alive, too. And final props to me? The place was spotless when David walked in. I rock.

But I'm still relieved he's home.