Oh, The Humanity

What a week it's been. What started with hurling ended with snorfling. I guess my immune system got depressed (I don't blame it, frankly) and now I have a cold, too. Which I want to say is unfair, but lots of things are unfair--like cancer and getting hit by a bus--so I'll just be quiet.

Jarrah is in the tub, as we speak, playing with her first Barbie. She got it for her birthday, and it's not even a real Barbie--it has no legs. That sounds weird. It has no legs because it's Mermaid Barbie. Apparently, there are three in the set. She will not be getting the set. In fact, I attempted to spirit Mermaid Barbie back to the Underworld but I wasn't quick enough and Jarrah insisted on opening the box. David and I both argued with her for a while, but then I started feeling like a hypocritical idiot and gave in. Because Mermaid Barbie is sea-worthy, she can spend time in the tub, being groomed with a special comb and Mermaid Shampoo. The Mermaid Shampoo is not an official accessory; I invented it because--let's all think it together--I'm just awesome like that. It's a tiny bottle of hotel shampoo in the same fin-blue as Barbie's scales.

This morning I went with my friend Stephanie to a Magnet School Fair at Balboa Park. It was a gorgeous day in the park--they were also having a Lunar New Year Festival, an Art Fair, and a gathering of hundreds of greyhounds. The building where the fair was held was tiny, with a low roof and no windows. Somehow they had packed every magnet in SD Unified into this space. I almost swooned a couple of times--particularly when a P.E. teacher got up in my face--not because he was mad but because he was screaming over the Mission Bay HS Jazz Band.

I learned a lot at the Magnet Fair. I learned that most of them aim to "serve the Whole Child," which sounds like a recipe for suckling pig. Not that I don't want my whole child served--I do. It's just, as a mission, it's kind of vague. One of the schools has a magnet called "Athletics and Academics." I asked what this meant, and unless I misunderstood, it means that they sit around less than is otherwise mandated by the State of California. All that running around helps them think better, and this also serves the Whole Child. Some of the schools "help create global citizens." To which I want to start nodding furiously, thinking "Yes, yes, global citizens!" but then I realize I have no idea what that might entail.

Some of the magnets were easy to understand, like "music" or "drama." But one school promotes "micro-societies," e.g. the children found their own bank, which they are responsible for running themselves. "Ooooh," I winced. "Do they all end up asking for bail-outs?" Only a few, apparently. I don't know if founding a bank is what I want my 5-year-old thinking about, but then, I am biased--the school that offered African Drumming and Puppetry Theatre had me re-thinking my vow not to choose any school that involved freeway driving. I'm not joking about that one--I am drawn to the drumming and the puppets.

One school featured a panda as its logo because it's a Mandarin magnet. Cute. But the school directly across the aisle also featured a panda, and when I asked why, the director confessed that she had no idea. Probably because it's cute. As we were leaving, a man in a lawn chair with a lap top handed us a brochure for something called "Virtual High," which doesn't even exist because the kids do all their work from home.

"A school where you can't even get them to leave the house. No, thank you." I said with a shudder.

I'm really glad I went, because knowledge is power. Of course, a little knowledge can also be dangerous in the wrong hands, and mine are probably wrong. I will now use this new information as a reason to schedule tours with every public school in a 20-mile radius, especially if they have drumming. (Though one of the schools that offers drumming had labeled their photo "drumers," which does not inspire me with confidence.)

Good thing she doesn't go to kindergarten until 2010. I'll start planning soon. Right after I lie down for a minute.