Place Your Bets

Well, the auction was awesome. I mean, I think it was. I didn't get my voice back. I just spent the evening rasping with the microphone pressed to my lips and finally a table of friends called me over and said "Have you considered working as a phone sex operator?" I squinted at them and said "Who told you about that?" David said the comment he heard most was "She sounds like a porn star!" As my Facebook friends have pointed out, that's only a good thing depending on the porn star. David took lots of photos, but since everyone's complexion (especially mine) is a lovely shade of seafoam green, I've put the kibbosh on posting them.

It took me awhile to get my sea legs, but time and a Cosmo helped. Cosmos are like some kind of truth serum to me. I have one (and I mean one) and next thing I know I'm telling a hundred people that they really need to bid on the Hooters basket because "you and your family will look SOOOO CUTE in these t-shirts!" Apparently, I also returned to the scene of a joke about Iowa Meat Farms (which really is very good) about 80 times, urging everyone to bid because "you don't want to miss out on this meat! I can personally attest to the AMAZINGNESS of this meat!"

I wandered around the room and blathered on and on, and mostly people seemed to be smiling at me. There were a few quizzical looks. I'm ashamed to say I used the mike as a bully pulpit at one point and announced "I am sooooo parched. Could someone bring me a cosmo?" Next thing I knew, the super-cute skinny bartender covered in tats was smilingly handing me an extra-large pink frosty glass. He even left his post to do it. L'Chaim!

It was Casino Night at the temple, and I had my work cut out for me trying to get people to do anything other than gamble, once they got settled. Which is pretty cute, since they were playing with and for fake money. Every now and again, a roar would go up from one of the tables, and it really did add to the atmosphere. The raffle was amazing, but David and I didn't get anything. I did win (David says I'm to stop referring to it as "winning") a Sumptuous Spring Spa Package (that may or may not be the actual name) in the silent auction, so I'm psyched about that.

The food was yummy, though you had to chase it down. My favorite were the meatballs skewered on fluffy rosemary sprigs, like little evergreen trees with a surprise at the end. There were not enough of those. And the lemon squares, though I resented not having a fork. Forks would have busted the bottom line? Not a fork to be seen all night.

Not sure I'll be asked back to this gig, but then again, it's our last year at the preschool. I wanted to go out with a statement. And maybe I was okay, because yesterday at pick-up, Director Judy approached me with a plate of her homemade, adorable, dice-shaped chocolates, as a thank-you.

Yum. Now if only she could wave her wand and get me my voice back. I sure do miss it. I've realized that my voice is my gift to the world, and without it, I'm nothing. Depresses me like mad.