Saturday, January 16, 2010

In Which My Girlish Hopes and Dreams Are Crushed

So, I've been trying to be proactive about my impending coffee drought, and towards that end, I ordered a massive tin of the stuff from Amazon last week. Why Amazon, you ask? Because it advertised both the foul, "improved" version and the ambrosia-like old version together. This seemed like a good indication that both versions were available for purchase. I was looking forward to a long, chilly winter of cozying up by the fire with a sweet-smelling mug and a treasured volume of Dickens. Wait, I don't have any Dickens. Or a fireplace. But the mug part of the fantasy seemed totally achievable.

Until yesterday afternoon, when I received a neat little box from Amazon, via a subsidiary called "The On-line Candy Shoppe." I don't want to hear any smart-alecky remarks from you, Readers.

I tore into the box with a song in my heart and a wish on my lips. And then...


I was devastated. No, that's really inaccurate. I was like a trembling, spotted fawn who teeters boldly out of the virgin forest with the lure of a tender, young carrot, only to be shot between the eyes for my trouble.

Not a pretty picture, Readers. My spilling tears, my heaving shoulders, my shaking hands. I could barely teach my Nia class, so rocked was my world.

But with the bright light of morning, I have rallied. There's got to be a morning after, right? Didn't someone sing about that? The box contained a friendly letter from the Candy Shoppe with a troubleshooting 800 number, which I called. They won't be there until Monday, but then maybe, just maybe, I'll get satisfaction. Or challenge them to a duel.

In the meantime, I told David and Jarrah I have something special planned for this afternoon.

"What is it?" David asked suspiciously.

"It's a treasure hunt!" I sang.

"Yay!" said Jarrah.

"What's the treasure?" David asked, even more suspiciously.

"We're going to drive around San Diego and visit every CVS and Smart & Final [per my smart, smart Readers ideas] and see just how many tins of my coffee we can find! Won't that be fun?"

"No." said David. "That sounds like treasure just for YOU."

"Now I'm surprised at you, dear. Because if it's MY treasure, what is YOUR treasure? Hmmm?"

There was a brief, contemplative pause.

"You are my treasure?"

"Very good!" I sang again. "Also, remember that universal truth: 'When Mama's happy, everyone's happy.' Am I right?"

"You're right." (Though he didn't sound very convinced. Can you imagine?)

Stay tuned for the results of this glorious quest. I have hope, Readers. Truly I do.


Jennifer said...

BUMMER!! I bet they just mistakenly sent you the new coffee and will be able to fix that on Monday. Hope you return from your treasure hunt with a car full of treasure!

Caroline said...

Man! If I cry when McDonalds gives me the wrong food (which is easily rectified), I can bet you cried opening that box of what was potentially your last coffee treasure.

Hope you have good luck on your search today! And that the vendor will give you a refund (at the very least).

Anonymous said...

Can't wait to hear how it goes when you interact with the staff of said fine business establishments.

Jen said...

Oh, GAAAAAAAA! I so understand your emotional trauma here. I would LERVE to be a fly on the wall when you contact them about the problem! ;-) (And I pity whoever it is who is on the other end of the phone.)

Good luck on your treasure hunt!

Stephanie said...

I'm calling "Intervention"...

Sam said...

@Steph: Hey! Easy! :)

Follow-up post on a successful quest coming soon... :) Though at one point Jarrah did say "I am tired of the quest." ;)

miss. chief said...

wow, maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't drink that stuff anymore? OR maybe it's a sign that you need to try harder. Don't ask me. I'm no sign-reader person.

Anonymous said...

Hope you found some! And that J&D got a reward too... froyo? :) Lix

The Wades said...

I need to give it a try here. Surely we have some expired coffee in our stores. This is NM after all.

Will you tell me exactly what the can should read?

The Wades said...

OK, I just went back and looked at the post you did. So no blue label, right? I'm on it.

Sam said...

@Michelle: Thanks, dear! :) The way I explained it to Jarrah is "old can white, new can beige, and beige is bad." :) I really appreciate it! :)

Jen said...

So, um, you know I love you and that I will of course keep my eye out for the old stuff, . . . but do you mind if I ask what you plan to do when your stash eventually . . . (whispering here) runs out?