Because my dissertation focused on the culture of the Catskills (look it up on Wikipedia, but before you do, let me say, "That you haven't heard of the Catskills is a shanda") I'll start with the classic Catskills joke. Food was really important at the Catskills resorts, and most of them were on "The American Plan," which meant you could order one of everything on the menu if you were so moved.
Woman to her husband: "The food here is terrible...and such small portions!"
The omnipresent (and all-important) Jewish mother:
A bum walks up to a Jewish mother on the street and says: "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she says.
The Jewish mother resents her children, especially the sons, but is passive-aggressive, crystallized in the classic "How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 'Never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark.'" (The punchline is actually the title of my dissertation.)
A man called his mother in Florida: "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered: "Because I didn't want my mouth should be full if you called."
A bum walks up to a Jewish mother on the street and says: "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she says.
The Jewish mother resents her children, especially the sons, but is passive-aggressive, crystallized in the classic "How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 'Never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark.'" (The punchline is actually the title of my dissertation.)
A man called his mother in Florida: "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered: "Because I didn't want my mouth should be full if you called."
Jewish mothers were once Jewish princesses (confusing, since Jewish princesses are always frigid.) At any rate, neither of them like to cook, though somehow Jewish mothers are always trying to feed everyone.
What do Jewish wives make for dinner?
Reservations.
I can't resist including a Jewish-Chinese joke...amazingly, there are many! It's legend that Jews always go to Chinese restaurants on Christmas day (because they're open.)
Why do Jewish American princesses like Chinese food?
Because Won Ton spelled backwards is "Not Now."
A rare Jewish joke about religion (because it's not really):
Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
L'chaim!
4 comments:
Did you know that I grew up in the Catskills?
I used to ice skate at Kutcher's
Nice addition to Cheri's idea!
oxoxox
Mary
@Type: No way! I didn't know that! I stayed at Kutchers a few years ago when I spoke at the Catskills Conference that happens there each summer. That place is like a beautiful palace that's crumbling into a ruin. It's sad, but we had fun anyway. We went into the rink and I was amazed at what the amenities must have been like "back in the day."
Fun jokes! My fave is the mom who hasn't eaten in 38 days. I'll have to remember that for when my children are older. I don't have to be Jewish, right? I mean, guilt's guilt! :)
I never thought or knew about Chinese restaurants being open on Christmas. That's useful information. Who knows, I might need to go out one Christmas. And if I do, I will be thanking you!
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