Motive and Opportunity

A peaceful weekend, with a little fasting and atonement thrown in for good measure. And Jarrah started Torah School, which is like Sunday School, and I was apparently the last to get the memo that they're supposed to bring some money for charity ("tzedakah") to "help people with no house or clothes or food." Great. Now it looks like I'm opposed to helping people. I better send double next week.

It was hard to believe we had to continue to lay out clothes and pack lunch and check the "go" and "stay" compartments of the folder for a third week already. Jarrah's teacher is out with an ear infection (she e-mailed) and her sub is her best friend. Their names rhyme, which makes me laugh because it's clearly throwing off the kids in a big way. While I was tucking Jarrah in last night, she said:

"Mommy? How much longer do I have to wake up early?"

"Forever, sweetheart. At least until you're 18."

"So...on my next birthday I can sleep in?"

"You'll be six then, my love. Not 18. So no. Wait. Yes. You can sleep in ON your birthday."

Today is the first day I feel half-way sentient without having gone back to bed immediately after drop-off. I made it to the gym, remembered to return the DVDs to the library, did some laundry, acted like a grown-up. Well, mostly. I also went to see Easy A, and kind of fell in love with the redhead who stars in it, Emma Stone. She's adorable and seems smart. And while I was already disposed to enjoy myself with no strings attached, the movie scored a bunch more points by referencing John Hughes and also one of my favorite '80s movies, Can't Buy Me Love, in a big way. And as if that's not enough, some of my favorite actors--Patricia Clarkson, Dan Byrd, Lisa Kudrow and Thomas Haden Church--are all there doing their funny thing.

But I won't be doing this "ladies who watch matinees" thing for long. Oh, no, Readers, I plan to become a working girl again. I feel it's time. So here's an important question for you: what should I do? All suggestions appreciated. Here's my experience: 17 years of teaching writing and literature. A few summers behind the counter in bakeries. One summer selling Monet tchotchkes at the San Diego Museum of Art. One year as a copywriter assistant in an ad agency. Lots of data entry, filing and typing at temp jobs. Some of those things I never want to do again. Can you guess which ones, Readers?

I'm thinking about getting a holiday mall job squirting lotion on people (in an actual lotion store, not just randomly like a lotion stalker.) I like lotion, and I might not have to clean bathrooms. I don't want to have to clean bathrooms or have people be mean to me. I also don't want to be alone with no one to talk to. Those are my main criteria for a decent job. Your thoughts, Readers?

Oh, and speaking of your thoughts--I'm very excited to announce I finally have an e-mail address just for my blog! So you can click on the e-mail link and send me a message if you want to! Woohoo!