Monday, September 20, 2010

Motive and Opportunity

A peaceful weekend, with a little fasting and atonement thrown in for good measure. And Jarrah started Torah School, which is like Sunday School, and I was apparently the last to get the memo that they're supposed to bring some money for charity ("tzedakah") to "help people with no house or clothes or food." Great. Now it looks like I'm opposed to helping people. I better send double next week.

It was hard to believe we had to continue to lay out clothes and pack lunch and check the "go" and "stay" compartments of the folder for a third week already. Jarrah's teacher is out with an ear infection (she e-mailed) and her sub is her best friend. Their names rhyme, which makes me laugh because it's clearly throwing off the kids in a big way. While I was tucking Jarrah in last night, she said:

"Mommy? How much longer do I have to wake up early?"

"Forever, sweetheart. At least until you're 18."

"So...on my next birthday I can sleep in?"

"You'll be six then, my love. Not 18. So no. Wait. Yes. You can sleep in ON your birthday."

Today is the first day I feel half-way sentient without having gone back to bed immediately after drop-off. I made it to the gym, remembered to return the DVDs to the library, did some laundry, acted like a grown-up. Well, mostly. I also went to see Easy A, and kind of fell in love with the redhead who stars in it, Emma Stone. She's adorable and seems smart. And while I was already disposed to enjoy myself with no strings attached, the movie scored a bunch more points by referencing John Hughes and also one of my favorite '80s movies, Can't Buy Me Love, in a big way. And as if that's not enough, some of my favorite actors--Patricia Clarkson, Dan Byrd, Lisa Kudrow and Thomas Haden Church--are all there doing their funny thing.

But I won't be doing this "ladies who watch matinees" thing for long. Oh, no, Readers, I plan to become a working girl again. I feel it's time. So here's an important question for you: what should I do? All suggestions appreciated. Here's my experience: 17 years of teaching writing and literature. A few summers behind the counter in bakeries. One summer selling Monet tchotchkes at the San Diego Museum of Art. One year as a copywriter assistant in an ad agency. Lots of data entry, filing and typing at temp jobs. Some of those things I never want to do again. Can you guess which ones, Readers?

I'm thinking about getting a holiday mall job squirting lotion on people (in an actual lotion store, not just randomly like a lotion stalker.) I like lotion, and I might not have to clean bathrooms. I don't want to have to clean bathrooms or have people be mean to me. I also don't want to be alone with no one to talk to. Those are my main criteria for a decent job. Your thoughts, Readers?

Oh, and speaking of your thoughts--I'm very excited to announce I finally have an e-mail address just for my blog! So you can click on the e-mail link and send me a message if you want to! Woohoo!


Jen said...

Just a friendly tip: if you don't want people to be mean to you, don't get a job as a lotion squirter, even in a department store! :-) Just kidding. Sorta.

My dear, you have the world at your feet! What do you WANT to do?

It sounds like you are not feeling so much like you're underwater anymore? I hope not. xoxo

Anonymous said...

yay for you sammy! glad to read things are looking up... jobs, I have to say something in the teaching line since that is what you are so great at! liz

Anonymous said...

Write a memoir, of course. :-)
Or really any kind of book you want to. Can't imagine you doing anything else.
Unless of course it involves a smashing acting career. Also totally up your alley.

Anonymous said...

Oops missed the part about not wanting to be alone.

How about Good Morning America's new advice guru? Part tv gig, part online column. Seems perfect for you! I am not kidding, either.


Stephanie said...

I thought you didn't want to do any of those things again.

I can just imagine you listing off your wish list in a job to a future employer. They would have to give you the job just for the entertainment value.

Write a screenplay, with a writing partner, if you must chat along the way.

Sam said...

Dear ones, you are all very sweet to me. :)

I like that screenplay idea! Now I need to find a writing partner. :)

LunaMoonbeam said...

I'm all about bakery jobs. ;-)

The Wades said...

I'd say stick with the matinees. That way you can show up if you're feeling energetic, go back to bed if you're not. ;)

And let that poor girl sleep in on Saturday! So darn cute. I can really relate to that request.