Day In The Life Of A Kindergarten Mom

6:45 a.m.

What the @#$%&* is that noise? Oh, the alarm. Right. I scoot into Jarrah's room and rub her back. "Time for school, sweetheart." She moans and turns over. You and me both, kid. I open the blinds and go to the closet--forgot to put clothes out last night and today is "Green Day." Can only find one old, stretched-out t-shirt in green. "Wake Me Up When September Ends" starts up in my head.

7:20 a.m.

Feeling like bloody hell. Only slept about five hours last night. Oh right--only sleep about five hours any night, for no good reason. Fill water bottle. Sharpie name on snack bag (Cheez-Its only acceptable snack right now.) Transfer lunch box from fridge to backpack. Check folder. Ewww. Is that a peanut butter sandwich? How long has that been in there?? Brush hair. "Stand on TWO feet or I'm going to get mad."

7:30 a.m.

Continue with shoe-tying lessons on iCarly Vans. It now takes five whole minutes to put shoes on. Kisses. I-love-yous. Out the door.

7:35 a.m.

Make coffee. Set up at kitchen table with Kindle. Must re-read Twelfth Night. Nothing like a little light reading when I'm feeling so fresh and perky.

9:30 a.m.

Play done. So. Tired. Look at clock. Hmmm. I think I can set the alarm for 17 minutes and still make it. Can I actually fall asleep for 17 minutes?

9:47 a.m.

GAAAAAH! What is that NOISE??? Oh. I guess I can.

10:25 a.m.

Drive to Birney Elementary school for second audience with school nurse. She is grim and blocky and I want to come up with a nickname for her but I'm too tired. She says "Give me your arm." Then she turns away and fills out a little blue card. Guess I don't have TB.

10:45 a.m.

Arrive at coffee shop called Monica's at the Park, per instructions from Hannah, my Shakespeare director. This place is adorable. I pronounce it my new favorite. It's filled with light, smells delicious, has free wifi. There is a leafy terrace outside. My latte and single cookie cost $6.50. That part is not my favorite.

11:00 a.m.

Hannah arrives, also toting laptop. We are going to write monologues for our upcoming Shakespeare gig as part of "10 Plays in 10 Hours." We happily type lists and look up quotes. I forget I'm tired.

12:30 p.m.

Hannah bids me farewell. I look at the table and blink. Now I remember I'm tired. Will a turkey, brie, arugula and cranberry panini address the problem? Mmmm. A little. I want to blog but my netbook is dying. I read my Kindle for a bit. Orange is the New Black. Totally awesome book. My eyes feel like an open-face grilled cheese with tomatoes. I put some drops in them. Not really better.

1:30 p.m.

I head to pick up Jarrah. Outside her room, I joke around with some of the parents about how Jarrah had to spend "two minutes on the bench" today for talking in line yesterday. That's against the rules but she "forgot." "What's your kid's name? So I can tell my kid to stay away from her?" jokes one of the dads. At least I think he jokes.

2:05 p.m.

Jarrah appears! I love seeing her come out of class with her monogrammed backpack. She just looks so grown up. She's very excited because she had her first hot lunch today, and the chicken nuggets rocked. She also had pineapple with them. "Fresh or canned?" I inexplicably inquire. "I think a little of both," she inexplicably replies.

2:35 p.m.

Eek. We've stopped at home to pick up snacks for acting class and now we're running late. Plus those dang shoes take so long to put on. Oh well, flip-flops it is!

3:00 p.m.

We arrive at Jarrah's new acting class. I'm thrilled to see so many kids! Nine or 10, compared to four the last time. Jarrah's friend Nathan, who also just started kindergarten, is the only boy. He doesn't seem to mind. Because I am now the kind of person who attends PTA meetings, I raise my hand and offer to coordinate a "snack roster" with the other moms, so we don't have to bring snacks every time. I hear myself asking "Can your kids eat sugar?" and "Anyone have any allergies?" and wonder if I've become a cyborg.

3:30 p.m.

Steph (Nathan's mom) and I are chilling at The Living Room Coffeehouse across the street. A smiling older man carries our snacks (all warm and toasty) up the stairs and we catch up on the kindergarten goss for what is actually a long time but feels like two minutes.

4:30 p.m.

Back to fetch the actors. They are jumping up and down because they've got good parts and lots to memorize. They are going to be "playing their parents," which worries me, especially since Jarrah's character is named Madge. I'm so glad they had fun. With all the chit-chatting, I suddenly realize David isn't there yet for the hand-off...

4:40 p.m.

...so Steph offers to watch Jarrah until David arrives and I head back to Jarrah's school for Parent-Teacher Night. Only I hadn't counted on rush-hour traffic. Sigh. I am going to be late. Rats. Way to make an impression, Sam.

5:15 p.m.

And I AM late. Very late. I get some looks and quickly find one of the teeny-tiny chairs, trying not to look at anyone. There is a lot of talk about how much reading we should be doing each day. I am itchin' to cut to the chase and ask what happens when our kid gets in trouble. On the verge of raising my hand and announcing "Jarrah says she gets told off everyday for not listening and for talking in class--should I be concerned?" it suddenly occurs to me that we've reached an age when I have to represent--not me, but her. If I diss her in front of these parents, she might be ostracized as a hoodlum. I better be discreet. How does one do that, again?

5:45 p.m.

The second part of Back to School Night is a huge assembly, led by the principal. I absolutely adore him, but the room is like Bikram Yoga--about 104 degrees and mysteriously stinky. I realize that some of the information I've heard three or four other times, and that makes me feel like a real joiner. I have been to so many meetings already I've had Information Overlap! I rock.

6:15 p.m.

Talking with new friend Melissa S. and her husband in the courtyard. I love her. We read the same books, and her husband is a Joss Whedon fan.

7:00 p.m.

First one to arrive for my book club. Something smells good, which I'm glad about since I'm starving. Our friend Lisa is back in the club after three years of living elsewhere, so it's reunion night. Lots to catch up on. The delicious smell turns out to be Portabella Mushroom Lasagna, and it's scrumptious. I yum up two slices of lasagna, salad, watermelon, and two brownies before slowing down. Is it lack of sleep that's making me so hungry?

9:00 p.m.

Uh-oh. We haven't even talked about the book, or chosen our next one, and my eyes are closing. I'm usually the one yelling and waving my arms while everyone else looks sleepy. I feel totally anti-social, but I have to go; it's a long drive. Also we've been talking about certain delightful things that happen to your sleep and your moods at our age, and it's depressing the hell out of me. I'm hoping it's kindergarten, rather than age, that ails me. Someone offers me coffee for the road, since I look so out of it. "Are you kidding me?" I say, rather ungraciously. "I'll be up all night."