Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Seasons of Love

I'm ready to crawl out of my skin! I'm not sure what is up but my organs feel all sloshy and I'm light-headed and have the short-term memory of a goldfish. Is this what motherhood feels like? I'm distracted and anxious and yet I'm still deeply in you realize that according to all sources, "the stork" will be arriving at CCAI by midday tomorrow, which means that they have to call us within 24 hours of that arrival, which means we could (will!?!) get "the call" by Friday afternoon? I simply can't process this.

Oh my stars. I don't really know what to think. Anyone out there who can confirm that I'm not just having some kind of psychotic break? Shouldn't I be floating on clouds? Instead I'm ripping out chunks of my hair. (I do that anyway, but now it's really pronounced; I will have to resort to hats.)

And I have this strange desire to eat nothing but ice cream. Resisting so far, but the Ice Cream Force is strong with me. Also I'm snappish and impatient. This is sounding a lot more like PMS than impending parenthood. Hey, maybe it is PMS. Well, there's some irony for you.

Saw "Rent" this afternoon. I had never seen the musical in the theater, and as an unrepentent high school drama queen I've always wanted to. Also, the one song I knew, "Seasons of Love," tears me into little pieces every time. The way all that stuff happens in 525,600 minutes. The movie is like a period piece of lower Manhattan in 1989, and that part is fine. But why won't these people pay their rent, and why are they so angry that people keep asking them for rent? Why is it always so cold, yet the characters gallivant around in mini-skirts in the snow? Why don't the people who actually have jobs pay their friends' heating bills and maybe spring for a pizza? And why are all the songs so forgettable except the aforementioned?

Mind you, the cast are incredible singers, and credible dancers. And the way they are all living with AIDS is heart-rending. But I grew weary of them leaping onto tables and singing every few seconds. Occasionally I felt a bit embarrassed for them, which is not a familiar feeling for me, who loves "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" and has been known to burst into tears at the line "Way, way back many centuries ago/Not long after the Bible began..." I just had trouble grasping why these seemingly nice folks seem to have such a penchant for squalor and smack.

A great big shout-out to Aunt Cheryl in Wellington Mills, Western Australia, an amazing cook and a good friend to garden gnomes. ;) Your post surprised and delighted us! Keep those posts coming, everyone. I love knowing that you're out there!

1 comment:

Amy said...

I would say your reaction sounds about right. Up until now the process has been about something "in the future". Now it is all going to become real within days. I would be worried about you if you were feeling too calm. As for the ice cream thing, I had it all through the pregnancy and darn it if it hasn't lingered on into the 13th week post-delivery...maybe it is a motherhood thing after all! :) Perhaps there is some soothing chemical substance that radiates from ice cream to calm the female of the species. Hmmm... I say eat the ice cream, at least until this all sinks in a bit. You can join me in walking it off. Hope to see you tomorrow. Hey I think I need your new phone number again.