Buns, Hun

In my last post I wrote about the very end of our trip. Now I will address the very beginning. I have just learned that while Ol' Blue the Suitcase may have frolicked around France without my knowledge, something nearer and dearer to me had a frolic closer to home, and again I knew nothing about it.

That something, Dear Readers, was my ass.

Let me offer some background. (Oooh, that's bad!) On Saturday, we attended a BBQ to celebrate the end of Jarrah's school year, where I was approached in a portentous manner by my friend Melissa. Does that sound paranoid? Well, she did open the conversation with "I need to tell you something--I've been putting it off, but someone else is bound to tell you eventually." So let's just say I was immediately all ears. She continued:

"On the day you left, I was watching Channel 10 news, and they were showing the airport. I thought I saw Jarrah going through security. I wasn't sure, though, until I saw your butt. We talked it over at Animal Crackers, and no one could agree about whether I should tell you, so I hope you're not mad."

Well, Readers, this certainly was a fascinating moment.

Apparently, it is possible to positively identify me just by my ass. And I must say, I'm thrilled to hear it. All my life, I've yearned to be distinctive in some way, a unique presence in this world. Now, I know I've reached that goal, at least from a certain angle.

I'm a little perplexed, however, why my friends should debate whether to inform me of my ass's 15 minutes. I mean, doesn't everyone secretly dream of seeing themselves on TV, as long as it's not in handcuffs? Though I suppose in the current instance, no one would know if I were in handcuffs. Asscuffs, sure, but my hands were not visible.

When pressed, Melissa explained that the news clip had been a story about federal aviation security measures. Which is truly exciting, because it means that our local news is finally focusing on some of the bigger issues faced by San Diegans. My ass is important to Homeland Security. That means something to me. The fact that I didn't even know there were cameras present demonstrates just how effective the security is.

My only regret is that Melissa didn't have the presence of mind to capture this historic event on Tivo. Now I won't be able to review the sequence--repeatedly--at my leisure, which is really a shame. Instead, I'll just have to cherish the image of thousands of San Diegans, enjoying their morning coffee as my ass filled their screens.

My behind had its moment in the sun, and I didn't even know it. It's enough to bring a tear to my eye.