Heart so heavy today. Stop draggin' my heart around. No, wait, that was Tom Petty, not me. I'm draggin' my own heart around. Probably means the little visitor is nigh. One time at Thanksgiving I was at my parents reading the back of their newspaper, which had oval photos of bunnies and terriers and tabby cats with captions like "Fuzzy would really enjoy fetching a ball for you." and I was sobbing my eyes out. I mean, I was hysterical. Then the visitation happened. And I was like, Oh. That's what's going on. How could I not know that? I thought maybe I needed to be treated for clinical depression.
So, yeah. Having this desire to do absolutely nothing but watch TV and eat junk food. I mean, baaaad junk food. Like Pop Tarts. Which I absolutely refuse to buy. So instead I'm scarfing Trader Joes Organic Dark-Chocolate-Covered Sunflower Seeds and pretending I'm all virtuous. I don't have me fooled.
Jarrah is on a four-day weekend because...well, because her preschool celebrates two Presidents' Days. And I knew that was going to be at least one too many for me. So even though I had scheduled a writing class for a morning when my kid was not at school, I decided to go anyway. It meant I had to hand over half my earnings to the babysitter, but it was still worth it because I can't feel blue while teaching the writing class. Like Bridget Jones, I am v. busy and important. That is preferable.
This afternoon I will go dance around like a chicken and that will help, too. I have been trying to learn a new routine this week and damn. That is hard. How have I done it before? I find it hard just to follow the video, let alone memorize it. And when I do these crazy martial arts knee-sweeps it feels like I'm dislocating something. That is not something I want to do in front of people. I have this sense of despair about learning new material and that is not motivating. Must tell myself to keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming.
Fog, lift! By tomorrow, please. Keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming.