Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dear Eye for the Mate Guy

Conversation over dinner a couple nights ago:

Sam: What are you wearing?

David: I don't know.

Sam: Are you wearing my cashmere sweater?

David: Maybe. Probably.

Sam: Where did you find it?

David: I don't know.

Sam: Was it on the floor?

David: I guess.

Sam: So basically, you got dressed in the dark, put on the first thing that felt like a shirt, and then left the house without looking at yourself.

David: Right.

Sam: Huh!

David: It fits okay.

My husband is a brilliant man--an inventive, creative man. Some might call him a genius. At least I do. And, like so many geniuses before him, he can't be bothered with the mundane aspects of quotidian existence, all those bothersome details like food and clothing and basic upkeep of the physical plant. Luckily, he now has a somewhat compulsive, controlling wife to cut his hair, buy him moisturizer and socks, and provide him with nutritious meals from time to time. Do I sound smug? Fair enough. Let's wait and see if he contradicts me. ;)

Here's another example of my favorite distracted genius incidents, this one from a few years ago:

Sam: Where did you get those pants?

David: From my closet--what do you mean?

Sam: I don't recognize them.

David: Why should you recognize them?

Sam: I live with you--I know what pants you have.

David: I doubt it.

A few weeks later:

Sam: (finding the pants on the floor) These can't be your pants.

David: Why not?

Sam: They're too big. And they're not Levi's.

David: I must have bought them big.

Sam: You don't even buy your pants. I do. Why would I have bought them big?

David: Who knows?

Sam: These aren't your pants.

David: Stop saying that. They're my pants. Who else's pants would they be?

Sam: That's what I'm trying to find out. Could you have gotten them mixed up with someone else's at work?

David: What? Why would I have taken my pants off at work?

Sam: I don't know. At the gym?

David: You know I don't go to the gym.

Sam: Hmmmm.

A few weeks later:

David: (leaning over with a smile in a public place) Guess what? You were right. These aren't my pants.

Sam: I knew it! How did you figure it out?

David: I looked at the size. They're a 36 waist.

Sam: 36! You wear a 33.

David: I know. That's how I figured out they had to be someone else's.

Sam: But you're still wearing them.

David: Well, yeah. They were in my closet.

Sam: But whose are they?

David: I really have no idea.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funniest post ever! Made me laugh out loud. Thanks. :) lix

Anonymous said...

My 6 foot 5 inch father once put on a pair of pants from his closet. They were about 6 inches too short, and there was a lipstick and $2 in the pocket. He was very confused about where he'd been the night before until we realized that they were an old pair of my grandfather's pants that my grandmother had hemmed. She was staying with us and hung up the pants she wore in my parent's closet.

But I'm with David. If you're going to wear someone else's pants, what fun is it to know who's they are?

Anonymous said...

VERY cute!

OXOX,

Mary

Anonymous said...

OMG. Snorting here.

Mir said...

That is hysterical. Gotta love the genius types!

Anonymous said...

Hillarious. Thanks for the smile.

- Lynne

Cheri said...

How did we marry the same man? And in almost the same dress too?

Heather P said...

Too funny! I have the opposite problem. I have a husband who was raised by women, and cares entirely TOO much about fashion. Would you believe that I actually took him shopping for my wedding dress because I knew he would be totally honest about whether I looked good in it or not. He even has the bigger closet!!!!!