Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Show Week

I accidentally find myself with 21 minutes that are not scheduled. I decide to write about it.

I can't tell if I'm doing a good job anymore. Last night when I got home from our run-through I cried and cried while David made toast and looked concerned. I had some raging PMS but also keep feeling like I'm just-about-almost-really-close-to getting things right. But all those modifiers first. People are crying. People are calling me to speak their minds. I'm getting concerned e-mails. I hear people behind me tsk-ing and sighing noisily when I make a suggestion. People are late. People are freakin' sick, sicker than anyone should be, regaling me with tales of vomit and fever and finally showing up with no voice and hacking coughs. I wish I had a force field around me. Maybe I do. People are exhausted. I. AM. EXHAUSTED. A 21-year-old boy in my acting class said: "Then why don't you sleep?" Oh, to genuinely not know the answer to that question. Bless his heart.

There's only so much more I can do. I get that. It's rolling now, a big boulder of a "things in motion tend to remain in motion" type of thing. Feel free to laugh at my vague memory of physics. I failed that class.

At home, I try to focus on laundry and groceries and sweeping the floor, stuff I can control. A lot of this I can't control. I want to but I can't. I talk a good game, though. That I've got down.

I keep having this disturbing feeling that when all this is over, I'm going to stare at the wall for like a week. But not in a good way.


Stephanie said...

You got it girl, this baby is in motion--all it needs is one more bump from your famous swivel and your work is done.

If only it were that easy...

Looking forward to the big night!

ewr2san said...

Hope you find a moment of stillness, peace, and relaxation now that you Rocked the SOLD OUT North Park Theater!!

Anonymous said...

I think there needs to be cake and martinis and some air to breathe. Good luck getting through everything!