In Which I Am Humbled

What is it they say? Pride goeth before a fall? Yeah, that one. Readers, I've been knocked down a peg. As they say.

Last night's rehearsal was, of course, also an audition. For the first hour and a half, we revisited a number I'm already in, practicing the dance along with the song. I am definitely getting the dance on that one, no problem. But I was quite surprised to find that when it came to my solo, I was totally out of breath. It's a long solo (several sentences) and I need to find a way to breathe before I get there, since I'm both singing and dancing just seconds before. I mean, so is everyone else, but this was the first time I sang and danced it straight through. Did NOT sound fabulous.

Then new actresses showed up, and we auditioned for three more sketches before the end of the night. Can I just say, it was the most exhausting rehearsal I've ever had? Three hours, no breaks, in a tiny, windowless room, either singing or dancing or both the entire time. I have to remember to wear less clothing, too.

Two of the songs we auditioned were singing-only, and I thought I sang them both very well. Shored up by my recent good feedback, I'm feeling pretty confident about my voice. However, D did stop me after the first one and say "Can you try it again? Without that long trilling thing you're doing on the end?" By which I guess she means vibrato. I could feel my cheeks burning when I sang it again, feeling ridiculous that I had been so "singer-ly" in such an obvious way. Not sure how I sounded the second time.

The third song made me giggle with delight, because the themes and language were so unlike anything from my life. The lyrics are all about schooling some woman to get her hands off my man, with lots of snapping, finger-pointing and strutting to accompany the t00-fabulous lyrics that I wish I could reproduce for you here. Let's just say if you've ever heard Vanity Six's "If A Girl Answers (Don't Hang Up)" you get the gist:

Hello, this is Vanity
Is Jimmy home?
Yes, but he's taking a shower
Oh, I see
Did he just take out the trash?
No, that's somethin' he used 2 do
Now he's taking out me

We didn't practice the song much, and D said "We're going to settle this on the dance floor" and I laughed and said "What is this, a Michael Jackson video?" Bit by bit, I'm getting less timid and more like myself--I had Alicia (who I think of as the grande dame of our group) in stitches with my between-scenes booty-shaking.

Readers, here is where the mighty are fallen. Every cast member of this sketch will do the same dance, and I can't do it. Oh, I mean, I can follow the steps. But there's this confounded strut-shuffle-walk thing that has to be performed in double-time and while theoretically I can DO IT, I apparently look pathetic and lame when I do, because D scrunches up her nose, shakes her head and tries not to laugh afterward and I try desperately not to scream in frustration. She was pulling for me, I could tell. She wanted me to get there. But I never did. She even had us do it one by one at the end of the night, and she mouthed "SORRY" to me after I finished. I had to avert my eyes and immediately cross the room on the pretense of gathering my stuff to avoid bursting into tears. She also made a portentous speech about how we don't have that much rehearsal time and she needs people to pick things up instantly, and if we don't we might not be in that many sketches and please don't be mad at me.

Ugh. I was so wrecked when I left there. It didn't escape my notice that Bri and G were the best at the stupid shuffle-walk thing, and both of them are like six feet tall and 90 pounds. Maybe it just looks better on those kind of girls. Yeah, I know, that's sour grapes. But I certainly felt like an ass after Bri tried to help me about 10 times and sympathetically reassured me how hard it was and then said "And what do you do, Sam?" and I had to say "I teach dance." I'm sure she would have swallowed her gum, if she had any.

Driving home, I felt exhausted and deflated. Now I won't get to be in my favorite number so far (that much I feel certain about) but maybe D won't put me in any more numbers since she hates my dancing. And it's so ironic. Because I really can dance. Just...not in five minutes. And without music. I just hope I can keep my cool when she breaks the news. I have to remember that everyone else has been gracious in the face of criticism and now it's just my turn.

What is it they say? The higher you climb, the harder you fall? Something like that.