Summer Begins Auspiciously

Right now we are having what Jarrah calls an "off week" (not sure where she got this description) between school ending and camp starting. But the "off week" is very much an "on week" for Mama. We have a few playdates planned, but Sunday night as I was dreamily drifting off to sleep (after a merriment and friend-filled evening downtown) I was suddenly reminded of the gaping hole in our social calendar where Monday should be.

It didn't occur to me until later that my last-minute Monday agenda was much more about my needs and desires than Jarrah's. Oops. Luckily, it turned out well. Though she whined (these days the whine is always at the ready) when I said we were going to her "new preschool" (aka the gym) she was so enmeshed at the Kidcare when I came to fetch her, no one could find her. (Apparently, she and about 20 other kids had one of those drunken contests going to see how many people they could fit in the tiny playhouse.) Meanwhile, I'd had a bracing workout and a hot shower and was ready for a hearty lunch. My original suggestion was instantly nixed in favor of "slushie place" which was fine since I am not immune to the charm of the slushies. We had Chinese food, too, and everything was hot and yummicious. We both read magazines while we ate--Glamour for me, and Automotive for Jarrah ("Hey! This magazine is not just about cars. It's also about watches!") So far, so good.

That morning, I'd asked if she was interested in going to the movies. "For candy!" she fairly squealed. "No, to see the movie," I admonished. "But candy can be involved, yes."

I had my eye on My Life in Ruins, the new Nia Vardalos companion-piece to My Big Fat Greek Wedding in which she plays a tour guide in Greece. A feather-light confection, it mixes pretty scenery, a totally telegraphed relationship, and an adorably "quirky" bunch of tourists all finding their "kefe" (Greek for mojo.)

I did look up My Life in Ruins on one of those wrist-slapping parental movie sites first, to see what kind of emotional trauma I'd be inflicting on my child. It seemed like the damage was restricted to "innuendo," which sealed the deal to go. My reasoning is, Jarrah has absolutely no knowledge of sex, let alone implied sex. She hasn't the foggiest clue what these people are on about when they discuss "not getting any for a year." Maybe they're talking about Oreos. I support my theory with the fact that she never asks a single question about the innuendo, and she is quite the question-asker (have you noticed?) If you disagree with any or all parts of this rationalization, please enjoy that.

I explained that this would be a "grown-up" movie, and was that okay?" "Yeah," she said. "I like grown-up movies." Okay. "What's it about?"

"Well..." I hedged. "It's about a princess. She falls in love with a prince, and lives happily ever after."

"Does she have a gown?" she yelped.

"Um, I don't think so. But she's a modern-day princess."

"What's modern-day?"

"Ummmmm. Hmmmm. Well, it means something that's happening right now, instead of in the past."

"But why she not want a gown?"

"I guess it's not...practical in her line of work?" Luckily, she didn't press the issue.

So, we went to the movie. And tickle me Elmo if she didn't sit there quietly, watching with rapt attention while chewing her lollipop. She only addressed me once, right after Nia pretends to be the Oracle of Delphi in raptures and her "prince" (bus driver) gets so distracted he drives into the side of a mountain.

"HE WAS MESSING ABOUT AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION! THAT WAS NOT GOOD!" Well, Jarrah, I'm not sure the people in the back row heard you...can you repeat that?

On the way home (she even allowed me to stop at Trader Joe's for dinner without protest) she suddenly announced:

J: Mommy. You said she falls in love, and I never saw her fall in love.

S: Well, she does, sweetie. She definitely does.

J: But why she not married at the end?

S: Ummm....maybe she gets married after the movie ends.

J: I really doubt that.

A short silence ensued. Like she was mulling something over.

J: Mommy. Why she fall in love with a bus driver? (An aside: the words "bus driver" were dripping with contempt, which frightened me. Is she prejudiced against bus drivers? If so, why? Is that my fault somehow? I'm pretty sure I've only ever said nice things about them...)

S: Well, people fall in love with all kinds of people. Like I fell in love with an engineer.

J: Right. (pause) Who's that?

S: Well, Daddy, of course.

J: Yes. And I am going to fall in love with a slushie maker.

S: Well, that's one way to get all your slushie needs met. (An aside: I stole this line from my friend Jen. What I actually said was "That's a good plan." But I think her response is much funnier.)

When I got home, I lovingly prepared a home-cooked meal for my darling family (frozen pizza), changed into a mini-skirt and stilettos (not really, but I was looking HOT anyway) and headed out on the town for the second night in a row for Happy Hour with some friends. Yup, Readers: it was a hard, hard day.